35 Signs You Might Be A Yankee

• You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
• You think Heinz Ketchup is spicy.
• You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
• For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
• You don't know what a moon pie is.
• You've never had grain alcohol.
• You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
• You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
• You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
• You have no idea what a polecat is.
• Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
• You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
• You don't have bangs.
• You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
• More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
• You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
• Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
• You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
• You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
• You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
• You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
• The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
• You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
• The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman-Marcus.
• You call binoculars opera glasses.
• You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
• You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
• You don't know what applique is.
• You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob).
• You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
• You've never been to a craft show.
• You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
• You can't do your laundry without quarters.
• None of your fur coats are homemade.
• You don't have a burning desire to own an AK47.